So I cracked.....from my first blog i wrote about how i was letting go of this guy. well i lasted 3 weeks? I deleted him from everything in my life...but he messaged me on facebook a week ago..saying how he felt empty and how sorry he was. I was about to cry when reading it. I deleted the message hoping to forget about it and keep moving on with my life.
His birthday was monday. That day was so hard on me. I kept remembering how it was a year ago. How he and i were happy. I gave him a happy birthday hug and he just loved me and i loved him. Then this year we're not even talking. I cried myself to sleep that night. I was just so wishing i could live that year with him over and over. But i made a decision and knew i was just being a reckless teenage girl with too many emotions.
Then he friend requested me a couple days ago. Tonight i decided to message him. Not friend request but just a message. I told him everything. Im so open to him and it felt right telling him these things. Now im not going back to the way things were. I refuse to let myself go back to that bitterness and i told him that. Maybe this is some kind of closure or what not...i have no idea. I just did what felt right to me. I change my mind a lot! and thats a weakness for me. but this may be a good weakness. i might get hurt again or might not. i dont know but im putting this in God's hands.
well anyways..this was a terrible blog and i am so sorry i put you guys through this but thanks for bearing with me! Ha in a way im kinda surprised ive lasted this long without talking to him...but oh well. I cracked! and we'll see if that was a good or bad thing soon.
No comments:
Post a Comment