Im done. Im done waiting. Im done hoping. Im done with him. I have spent the past year and a half waiting and hoping he turns into my prince charming. I seriously thought he was it. The one God has put me with. But i was wrong.....it wasnt the first time.
When i first met him i was head over heels for him. I couldnt stop hoping he would notice me. He did and i was as happy as a pig in mud (my dad's analogy). The first couple months were bliss. I got butterflies...he always made me smile. I thanked God everyday for him.
Then things changed....i noticed everything little thing i hated about him. Nobody else noticed by i did. He never listened to me. He always would hang out with other girls without telling me. He would call me names, tell me i didnt look good in sweats and a t-shirt, tell me i needed to dress up more. He would always want things from me that i didnt want. He would always choose things over me. He would forget everything i said. He never understood me. He drove me insane.
So i broke up with him...told him we needed space. He was upset....said he would change...so i took him back. But things went back to the same. I became an angry person with him. I always was upset. I always yelled at him. I felt bitter. So we broke up again but more serious this time. Then he kissed another chick but didnt tell me that til after we got back together. I forgave him. We got back together. We were happy again.
Then he was preparing to go to college. He wanted to hang out but i was busy with school activities but i tried to hang out with him. So he got upset...and the little things came back. I was angry again. Then i found myself crying because he would always be pushy. I broke up with him before he left for college. I told him that we would be friends and then if we could handle being away from each other then we would continue dating....that didnt work.
I found other guys...that didnt work out. He hung onto me...very sweet of him. But i still was angry....he didnt make me happy...i was content...but not happy. We still continued talking and he started to make me happy. I thought things were going to change in a good way. We talked about starting to date in the summer.
Then one day it changed. He purposefully hurt my feelings. Wanted me to feel bad about myself...because i was honest with him about liking another guy but not as much as him. Then i finally came to my senses and let go. If a guy wanted to hurt my feelings on purpose then he is not a good guy or a prince charming.
There are so many things i havent shared but this is a summary. I just want a fresh start to the year. I dont want to know him as a person, or as a friend, or as anyone. I want him gone. He said he was going to be nicer and be my prince charming but he was all talk and no action. So im here...with a broken heart. Im getting over it though.
I still thank God for him though. but in a different way...i thank God that he has giving me a learning experience. Ive learned that i cant change a boy to be my prince charming, that i should just let God show me my prince charming. I wish this boy a wonderful life, that he finds a girl that loves him just the way he is. There was nothing wrong with him or me....he just didnt fit my expectations and i wasnt going to lower my standards so its goodbye. No more going back.
Its going to be a new year and im ready to make a new mistake :) without him in the picture....
